


Should (Not)

by technostrawberry



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Pining, Sad, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 22:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21465241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technostrawberry/pseuds/technostrawberry
Summary: There were many things that Yunho knew he shouldn’t have done.The first of those things being: he shouldn’t have fallen in love with San.
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho, Choi San/Song Mingi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31





	Should (Not)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 4am when I was in my sad feels. The original idea was going to be even more painful, but I decided to simplify it and hurt fewer people (that includes me too).

There were many things that Yunho knew he shouldn’t have done.

The first of those things being: he shouldn’t have fallen in love with San.

San and Yunho grew up together. They were best friends with each other from pure-hearted childhood, through awkward adolescence, and finally to questionably more mature adulthood. But they were not a duo. In fact, they were a trio. With Mingi.

Yunho shouldn’t have forgotten about Mingi.

He shouldn’t have tried to ignore the nagging feeling that increased alongside every year that the three friends spent together. He shouldn’t have ignored his unease when he caught how Mingi would secretly look at San sometimes. Just…looking. Like San was the most beautiful person in the world, and the rest of the universe could fade away and Mingi wouldn’t have noticed or cared.

Yunho shouldn’t have been looking at San the same way too.

While there were many things Yunho shouldn’t have done, there were also many things Yunho should have.

Yunho should have confessed to San first.

The three lived together in the same rented house, each having their own bedroom. The owner – a man just a year older named Seonghwa – lived there too and took the biggest master bedroom. Seonghwa kept the place clean and his presence was calming, easily fitting in to the group in his own quiet way.

Mingi who usually had a smile on his face and a joke on the tip of his tongue, had looked uncharacteristically serious on that New Year’s Eve night. The four were all averse to the idea of crowds and were sprawled all over the living room with drinks in hand. The TV live aired some random countdown party event. When it was just ten minutes to go before midnight, Mingi suddenly disappeared into the kitchen with San.

Yunho should have walked into the kitchen instead of lingering outside the doorway, being frozen once he heard the words from Mingi’s mouth.

“I’m in love with you, San. And I think, no, I need to let you know my feelings. I want to be more than best friends. I want us to be together as boyfriends. Can you…I mean, will you accept me? If you don’t want to, we can pretend I never said anything and just continue our friendship like before.”

It was quiet for a minute or two, before San replied Mingi.

After hearing San’s answer, Yunho should have went to bed instead of drinking himself into a state of unconsciousness. He would blame the New Year’s mood for it.

Again, there were many things Yunho shouldn’t have done.

After San and Mingi started officially being a couple, they moved out to their own place, leaving Yunho alone in a big house. Well, he wasn’t physically alone. Seonghwa was still there, like he always had been. It was also Seonghwa who cleaned up Yunho up every time he drank himself into a spectacular drunken mess of tears, snot, and vomit.

Yunho shouldn’t have secretly rejoiced in his heart when San turned up at the house in tears after a major fight with Mingi. He shouldn’t have felt a twisted evil hope that things would be over between the two. He shouldn’t wish that Mingi would be permanently kicked out of the equation.

Yunho shouldn’t have told San when Mingi arrived outside and was kneeling on the doorstep, crying and begging for San to come home.

“Please don’t leave. I love you.”

Mingi cried the words out loud, while Yunho cried it in his heart.

Yunho should have been the one standing in the middle of the room filled with their closest friends, dressed in a blazer and looking nervous as San slowly descended the stairs dressed in a matching suit.

Yunho should have been the one waiting at the bottom of the stairs, offering his arm to San to take.

Not Mingi.

Yunho should have been the groom, not the best man, on the day San got married.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I made myself sad :( I’m so sorry Yunho, I promise to write a happy yunsan in future!


End file.
